That flash of life before your eyes.

Friday night was going to be the best. My friend from work wanted to head out to his favorite bar and said your coming with me. He is a blast to be around and had fun getting ready to go.

We stayed till close and of course, being a guy while intoxicated was trying to start fights with other guys for just looking at him the wrong way. I dragged him out and we both decided that we should head out to our place of work and have a really late night meal.

We get there, him still ranting and raving about the last guy who pissed him off before we left the bar, and settled in at the counter. We talked to our co-workers that were on the night shift and had more fun.

"oh look its getting late and you have to work in like two hours... lets go." i say to my male co worker and we both go and leave the store.

We took a taxi to the bar and back, because i never ever drink and drive, and we both live close enough to each other, so we started to walk home.
My friend bid me goodnight as his street came up first. I live about three too four minutes away from him, but it was almost 4am and since we were dancing all night, my feet were not the best, so i decided to take it slow.

a few minutes later, i was passing a convenient store, when i heard some guy shout out. thinking that it might be my friend wanting something from me, i stopped and turned around.

It was not my friend. there was this young guy in about his early to mid twenties, wearing no jacket (i think it was -25c or colder) yelling at me. i quickly turned around and started to walk faster... already having this bad feeling in the bottom
of my gut.

This guy ran up to me and stood right in front of me. Right there i could tell that he was high on something. he was slurring his words and being very antsy. as he continued to try to talk to me, i noticed that he was keeping his hands in his pockets almost the entire time... my bad feeling was getting stronger.
He thought i was someone else, trying to ask me beauty and hygiene questions, asking me what row the razor blades were in... clearly this guy is not playing with a full deck of cards.

a few times i tried to nicely tell the kid that he has a mistake and I'm trying to get home. he started to get into my face, stopping me dead in my attempt to flee the situation.

Normally i take the back way to get home when i walk. i cross though a field and walk behind some apartment buildings. something in my head told me not to, take the long way, the apartments are closer... just in case...

I speed up my pace, getting way ahead of this crazy guy and turn down the side street where i live. at this point in time i have my cell phone in my one hand and my keys in the other.

He starts to yell at me now, i turn around and yell back at him. at this point of time we are standing right beside an apartment building. I have been always told that i have a voice that carries. So I yelled and screamed at this guy. I can see my own building just at the end of the road... I'm not going to make it i think to myself.

Without warning, he jumps me and starts to take swings at me, connecting blow after blow with my head. I tried my best to defend myself, but i had no grip with my boots on the snow, i fell down after i don't know how many hits. I yelled and screamed. i buried my face in the nearest snow pile so he would not hit me directly in the face.

Just as soon as it started, the guy took off. Thank goodness the people in that apartment block did hear me and a few came rushing out and chased the guy down the street.

Trying to gather my thoughts on what just happened, i look down at my hand and see my cell phone. So i call 911 and other than me having a panic attack was able to give my location and still able to describe the guy to the woman on the phone.

After a two hour wait, the cops finally came. and took a statement. before this time after i got off the phone with 911, i called my roommate/cousin and she came rushing down to find me. she then called my parents and after a time, came also.

The cops told me that the way they respond to someone calling 911 is that they use a scale of priority. 1 being a total disaster like the end of the world to 10. They said that what happened to me was an priority 3. when i called 911 at 4 in the mooring, there were 60 other priority 3's at the time.

My parents took me to the emergency room so i could get checked out. the back of the left side of my head is all swollen. my ear is all black and blue, and my left side of my jaw hurts (can barely open my mouth right now.) i also got an other nasty bump on the right side of my forehead. my left wrist is sprained, and i am finding many bruises on my body and a lot of tender spots. the doctors gave me T3's and sent me home.

Right now i know i have the right to be mad... no wait more than mad, pissed off. what this guy did to me was unspeakable. But I'm not mad. I am thankful that i am still alive at all. what if he had a knife... or a gun. I could be dead right now.

So i am going to relax for the next few days, and hopefully when it all catches up with me i will be prepared.

shaken and stirred...

I talk to her through facebook, and that's all. She says that she loves me, but i really don't know anymore. I am talking about my mom.
There was (well its still hitting us) a blizzard. I went online to check out my facebook before i ventured out in the cold and blowing snow to go to work. She was online and just asked her if my dad went to work (they live in the country). she said no, everyone is home. My dad is the only one who drives in that household, so my mom and my sister did not go to work either. She then asked me if i was going to work. I found it kind of strange, she knows that i only live a five min walk, if that from work, but i do drive because i need to get home as soon as i can at three to watch the little sky guy.
I told my mom that i was going, if i cant get out of my parking spot, then a walking i will go. I thought that was the responsible thing to do, go to work. well my mom surprised me and she called me *bleeping* stupid. *bleeping* stupid to be going to work. I could not believe it. sure if i lived further away, i might see her point, but if i walk down to the main road (less then a min walk) and look in the direction of work... i can almost see it.
So she calls me stupid then when i told her i had to go, she tells me that she loves me. I really can not stand these mixed signals.
I so hope that when i become a mommy, i do not do this to my child. I know I will not be perfect, but i do not want to pass on this confusion to my child.
I really hope everyone had a better day than i did.

The air is getting lighter

Slowly but surely i have started to tell certain people who are dear to me on what i want to do.
I live with my cousin. She was living with my sister and myself before the big blow up and we decided to move in together. I have been close with her all of my life and i fell that she is more than my cousin but a sister as well. That is why I think i was real hesitant on telling her my plans on becoming a mommy. I was afraid that if i told her that she might not see things the way i do. That maybe she would not want to live in the same apartment with a baby. She does love kids and says she does want some one day, but i did not want to assume anything.
This morning i don't really know how we got onto the subject of babies, I bit the bullet and told her of what i have planned. Her eyes brightened up and she gave me a huge grin then went into a loud high pitched squeal on how she loves babies and she is real excited. Lol she even started to think on what we would have to do to make our apartment more baby friendly.
I started to tear up when she started to talk about all the baby stuff. I am so happy that i am getting the love and support of the people who i hold dear to my heart (i'm tearing up right now too hehe).

natural high

Its been a week, let me tell you. I think the weather is just taking so much out of me lately.. just don't feel too motivated to do much. Yesterday i went out and actually bought a vacuum... yes since myself and my cousin moved here... we were a little vacuumness(been borrowing our friends). So yesterday and this morning all i have been doing is clean, clean, clean.
Maybe all of this cleaning has to do with some extremely good news i got this week. I finally got a call from the clinic!! I am so excited!! when i was talking to the woman she said to me almost in a disappointed voice that the only time that they have free was April 8Th then apologised that it is so far away. I told her no, no, its good, i thought it would take so much longer. It is thrilling and also a bit scary that in only 4 months i will be sitting in an office and talking to a doctor about the potential of me becoming a mommy. the doctors secatery said that she was going to be sending me a information package about what to expect and what will happen. I have been on such a high since then I just don't want to come off of it.