Sunday, December 27, 2009

Choosing my own path

I am happy that the holidays are now over. Yule was the best, celebrating with my best friends and two of my cousins. We all had a blast.
Christmas was a whole different kettle of fish. I was actually told by my mother not to show up to the house on Christmas day because of my sister. My parents had my fathers side of the family over on Christmas eve. I was there of course, I wanted to see everyone. My sister stayed in the basement the whole time. every once and a while I would hear her take a fit from her room down there. so when my mom took me aside, giving me a hug in the process, she whispered into my ear, "don't bother coming her tomorrow." I was crushed. as soon as i left my parents place i just balled.
Now i am going to do some big changes in my life. First and foremost is trying to relieve myself of some stress in my life. Ever since this big blow up with my sister and family, i have lost about 40-50 pounds, just due to stress. One of my cousins that i don't see too often kept on commenting on how much weight i lost and was asking me what kind of diet i was on. I flat out told him its called the stress diet. I know that there is stress in every day life and things will be stressful once i become a mommy.. its common sense. Now though i want to take control of my life, choose my own path, and not care what anyone thinks. So until my family comes to their senses, i will be not talking to them all that often. I know it sounds bad, but I know being stressed and pregnant is not a good combination.
This evening, I was talking to a friend that i have known now for almost 20 years. I recently told her my plans of becoming a mom. I never expected the reaction that i got. she basically called me stupid, but of course not in those words. It was "you know i was a single mom and all the hardships and struggling I went though. why would you want to do that..." and it went on and on and on. It was like a sharp blow to the face. I just wanted to tell her, yes i know, but that was ten years ago. you were younger and he was a surprise. you were a partier and it put a damper on your social life. it just felt like everyone was trying to crush my dreams lately. but i know that is not true.
Azaera, thank you. You have helped me out a lot today like always. You always know what to say to make me feel better about myself and always reminding me it is my life, no one elses. I get to choose what i do with it. I can never have asked for a better best friend. You are the best!

1 comment:

  1. I'm so sorry that Christmas was so hurtful. I can't imagine why your mom asked you not to come over. I'd have just let your sister stay in the basement if she couldn't be civil.

    You are right that chosing to be a parent is different from having to adjust to an unplanned pregnancy. Neither is easy, but it's much easier when it's something you've chosen and/or embraced. If you truly do want this (and I believe you do), then I see no reason to change your plans. Azaera is right. It is YOUR life.